Today I had an encounter with a clueless and tactless human being. That I might pass this awful person as my friend, maybe my relative, is disturbing. That she might be someone I once thought I could lean on, I have gladly discovered that she is out to bring me down…….out to give me the negative energy that seems to be oozing out of her these days. ………out to give me low self esteem, well, shock on her, my self esteem unlike hers is at its best. I have no issues with my weight, my height my skin tone, my shrubbing in spoken English …………
Remy this excuse of a woman insinuates that I cannot pass through an aisle of seats cos I’m too fat. My backside, her implication that my African endorsement is too large to fit between a miserable aisle is an insult to my person. I…
I reminisce on the days past and my mind goes back to my fifth year in college when we had a sleep over with some of my friends I remember like it was yesterday,all the raw emotions of that night ,the pain that came with the memories of our lives. We had given up sooooo much , hurt ourselves in the process and closed it all in our cocoons. Matter -of -fact;You always think you are going through stuff alone until you dip your hand into the cookie jar of other people’s lives and realize ‘u ain’t seen nothing yet’
I think one thing that stood out about that night is after realizing that our lives were almost 90% dramatic enough to form thriller movies we still had one thing in common- we all wanted to become super women as we continued growing up.
Superwomen- for you who are wondering – are those women who are able experience the hurt and still be able to wake up and move on despite the nagging feeling to cover yourself under four super-sized duvet’s so that you are invisible to the rest of the world, women who are able to make their men feel like the kings in the house and their children feel like there is no place better than home, women who are able to conquer the wars that come in their place of work with grace and fierceness all masked together.
I know that my life in no way matches the description of a superwoman’s life but I have fought through my own demons and today I write this thinking of all the women who have had to stand up again after life dealt them a hard blow and despite the biting pain in their heart of hearts they still smiled at the world and gave it yet another try. To those women who reached a point in their lives and felt that maybe, just maybe death was better than the pain they were feeling but still chose life. To Lav, Emma,Sly we may not talk as much but the memories I have of you will always make you superwomen to me;To you all -superwomen
I read this story and I thought it was worth sharing with you.’Bob, a 93 year old veteran of World War II dreamed of flying when he was a young boy. To him soaring over the earth was what life was about. After graduating high school he went directly into the air force. They trained him and he became a navigator. His first assignment was navigating in a C-47 flying out of England to drop paratroopers in Europe. One transfer and Bob was a navigator fighting in World War ll. Flying over the beautiful European terrain with the huge engines droning outside of the cabin, suddenly explosions appeared all around them. On they would fly through the anti-aircraft fire from below. With a plane full of men the stakes were high. Eventually they would reach their target and the paratroopers would jump. The crew would then return to England with an empty plane.
Men became family under those conditions. Not only the crew he worked with on the plane, but the crews from other planes all became best of friends – their brotherhood forged in the stress and camaraderie of war and their love of aircraft and flying. After many successful paratrooper missions Bob was transferred to a B-17, then a B-26. His missions were now to drop bombs instead of men.
One day half a dozen B-26s were flying a bombing mission in loose formation. As they flew, the B-26 flying next to Bob’s plane suddenly exploded in a direct anti-aircraft hit. Bob remembers the flaming pieces of the wreckage falling towards earth. Five of Bob’s brothers, men he loved, were gone just that fast.
When asked the effect this had on him other than the devastating loss of his comrades he said that he had never felt fear before he saw that burning wreckage falling toward earth. After that he realized that fear was with him every time he walked to his plane.
He said he realized at that point he was mortal – the reality of the anti-aircraft fire they had been flying through for many missions suddenly meant more and he was afraid. Every time he went up for a mission he could feel that fear clutching at him. He said “ taking off got harder and landing back at base felt better every time”.
When he was congratulated for his courage. He quickly dismissed it. “No courage”, he said with a smile. He continued “you just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you get through it”its the ability to “feel the fear and do it anyway”
I share this story with you today because it dawned on me that that’s what is expected of us in life. I boarded a vehicle for town today and alighted at a place that I was not familiar with and like all fierce ladies out there I decided to walk as though I knew where I was going- hahaha, mwanamke ni kujichocha……ama?-and I remember I kept on hearing this nagging voice in my head saying ‘haiya aki nimepotea’ but I just kept on moving forward and thankfully I was able to get to my destination. OOOOh but you should have seen me , very confident and sure and the truth was I had no clue where I was or what direction was right.
Then I had a Eureka moment when I finally saw it, you know , the big picture. How often does this apply to us in our lives when you have no clue whether you should wake up or sleep, whether the investments your making in your work,relationships career or even business are right or they are likely to be things that may land you in Mathare hospital because you are going crazy.I think there will be days when things make sense for us but most of the times things surrounding us will not make sense at all but the thing is we need to keep moving forward, keep walking- na kwa walevi wote i’m not talking about jonnie walker-Drag one foot in front of the other if you have to ,scream if you have to,crawl if you have to creep if that’s what it takes but my friends do not stop moving forward.
Everybody wants loyalty, consistency, and somebody who won’t quit on you. But everybody forgets that to get that person, you have to be that person.
Somebody just asked me what i mean: Well, we have come to a point in life where we tend to make somebody else pay for the mistake of others. If a man walked all over your life you also want to walk all over that persons life. He ends up paying for the mistakes of the man who took you for a ride. It hurts when you realize that you aren’t as important to someone as you thought you were.
I have been here, I took my wrath on someone who didn’t deserve it. I was hurting, broken, bruised, damaged beyond repair. I said a lot of awful things to him and for a moment I thought I was done with relationships. I pushed him…
Recently I had the most exhausting conversation ever. It was all about the Kenyan Woman and the trials we go through proving we are worth having someone. It was even worse since I come from a region where women have a reputation of been hostile to their men. So my friend asked “What does a Kenyan Woman want?” Real simple….Give her a break.
Reality is a Kenyan woman, a black woman has it hard. Look at it this way, apparently the good men are either married,gay or priests. With that alone I have eliminated quite a chunk of the male population. Next lets focus on the bachelors who want to stay in bachelorhood. Perfect example being our CBK Governor. He is eligible but single by choice. How many men do you think there are like him. At the top of my head I can name a few close friends. The…
When does it get easier.When does leaving someone you loved no matter how wrong the love was seem easier.When can you wake up in the morning without that sinking feeling that you have lost someone you loved and you have absolutely no control over it.Love is painful.
I think that there is nothing as painful as loving someone ,talking of them fondly,keeping yourself for them only to realize that to them you were just part of life’s games, a thing to keep them busy.Is this how it ends?, I wonder, does someone just have a meeting with themselves and not even tell you why and they just decide that you no longer matter and they leave you with all the messy feelings to deal with ?
Well I learnt early in life that there is really nothing you can do to make someone love you -if they don’t they don’t-The fact is I feel the pain of this loss and for some time there will be mornings when I will get up and he will be the first thing am thinking of and my heart will ache because of this and there will also be days like today when i’ll just want to be alone and bury myself in sleep or in movies because of what I feel but a day will come ,soon I believe, when this will pass and it will all be part of my past.
Its cold and drizzling and I can’t help feeling the sting of needing that company that you can come home to, that warm hug, that crazy joke or playful tick.Its the need to have another human being that you can show your vulnerabilities to without feeling scared that your insecurities will be used against you.
They were tall,short,plump and thin but come to think of it now,I was just kissing frogs.Some felt good,others made me wonder what the hell I was thinking and yet others gave me the illusion of true love but none the less frogs.I regret none of my many frogs, hey some of them were fun while they lasted and to be honest they have helped shape me into the woman I am today (strong,assertive,sure,determined loyal, loving,hopeful-and all the beautiful words that rhyme with these ones).
But am tired of this, moving from one frog to the other, hoping that maybe one of these frogs will be my charming prince; and even though am ok with who I am and with my own company I believe that one day my prince charming will come,sweep me off my feet ( lets face it , am a romantic at heart) and live, love and laugh with me .Dear no one, you should know I can live life to the fullest without you,and achieve all that God created me to achieve without you but having you by my side to talk to, argue with,laugh with,build a family with will make it all worthwhile.Having you in my life will make life more fulfilling soooooo till we meet here’s my dedication to you
What if the world was flat instead of round, what if the movies were true and we could fly cars instead of drive them.What if we didn’t have to go through the milestones of life but were just born adults with our tools of trade in our hands. I wonder, what if we could actually walk to heaven and sit at the feet of Jesus and just talk like buddies without having to fervently be on our knees praying.
I want to see the future ,I want to know what becomes of me tomorrow, ever felt that way? Ever wanted to know where life will take you ………I know it takes the fun out of the adventure but there are those times you’d do with a little mwakenya of life. I wanna know whether my life will be the monotony that is life or like the few,end up stirring a revolution.Will I get a noble peace prize, or will I end up living an ordinary life
What if we could cook Ugali using wheat instead of Jogoo,What if men never hurt us and instead loved unconditionally.What if men gave birth instead of women What if women never took advantage of men and were truly honest. what if mpango wa kando never existed and faithfulness was the rule of the day ,What if I can still go for kadunda without worrying that someone will spice up my drink, what if a man would look at me and just think Godly thoughts instead of vulgar ones. Guess what guys we’ll never know so my sound advice to you is , Wake up each day and live it the best way you know how to, share, love, work,laugh , let each day feel worthwhile even if it doesn’t. My feet are up with my cup of cocoa in hand watching a beautiful movie and tomorrow am gonna get up and work coz even if I can’t predict the future I believe It will be ok coz I am blessed beyond words, thoughts or imagination.Chao
Ever looked at your life and wondered when it got so complicated.When did it stop making sense? I get bored with the daily routine of life and the constant futility that comes with it.I love a challenge,something spontaneous ;makes me feel like am adding a new spice to my food.For this reason I have always chosen the road often shunned by many, and at the age of thirty, I have never felt more lost than I do now.
I wish to make a subscription for a map of life from the powers that be. These powers that seem to align so rightly and perfectly the lives of those around me,The powers that allow others to be born with a silver spoon in their mouths and not to constantly feel like they are in a battle with life trying everyday to stay afloat and not to be swallowed whole by the waves of life.I need a good day when I finally get a break after struggling so hard all my life.The question though is, Does this life exist or is it all a facade, a figment of my imagination,a fallacy formed in simple human minds? Like Ken Walibora, am looking for that day that I will title as ‘Siku Njema’
I am reminded of a song that I believe has contributed greatly to my level of sanity and hope in life. The words of the song give me hope to believe that maybe there is going to be a day after all when things may get better.Hillsong sang a song that says:
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find you in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
And I will call upon your name
And keep my eyes above the waves when Oceans rise
My soul will rest in your embrace
For I am yours and you are mine.
Your grace abounds in deepest waters Your Sovereign hand
will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and you won’t start now
I believe the composer of this song must have been standing in my shoes feeling the pinch from my shoe. Right now I can’t help but feel that Like one of my favorite rock bands (3rd day)-I need a miracle;Like the miracle in Samaria in 2kings 7-I need a Mungu-pap experience and like Thomas during the time of Jesus-I need to touch the holes in Jesus’ hands.
Remy this excuse of a woman insinuates that I cannot pass through an aisle of seats cos I’m too fat. My backside, her implication that my African endorsement is too large to fit between a miserable aisle is an insult to my person. I…
cathymachaki 